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20 April 2010 @ 07:24 pm
paperweight on my back (cover me like a blanket)  
Title: paperweight on my back (cover me like a blanket)
Pairing: Jesse/Rachel (It's becoming an addiction)
Summary: She couldn’t believe she’d let that happen. Never had she anticipated that on the schedule for that evening would be the loss of her virginity.
A/N: Speculation for upcoming episodes, but nothing more, no actual spoilers to back anything up, so don't worry. Title from Paperweight by Joshua Radin





something started crazy,
sweet and unknown…

 

She couldn’t believe she’d let that happen.
As she stood under the hot spray of the show, allowing the water to beat down on her chest, she contemplated what had just happened.
When she’d had Jesse over that afternoon, she’d only intended to sing with him and perhaps watch Oklahoma or Rent on DVD – she finally had someone with shared interests to watch them with.
Her plans had admittedly been vague but never had she anticipated that on the schedule for that evening would be the loss of her virginity.
And still, somehow, it had happened.
Rachel had always liked to fancy herself as a girl in control, one who had morals and stood her ground. She didn’t think she was the kind to throw away something that important on a guy she’d only been dating three weeks.
In a fit of shame, she yanked the bar of soap off the shelf, scrubbing at her raw and tender skin furiously.
What had she been thinking? Why couldn’t she have said now? How did she let this happen?
And then as soon as her anger spiked, it fell again, and she collapsed wearily against the cool tile of the wall.
Her mind was spinning, still staggering to catch up with the way her reality had sped out of control. Her mind was equipped to deal with such rapid changes.
She lathered the shampoo in her hair, allowing the boiling water to wash away the traces of Jesse that remained. Only an hour before had his lips trailed over her skin – down her back, tracing the curve of her waist, over her thighs…
She blinked again, bringing herself back to reality. She had really done it – and how it had happened was nothing like she’d ever planned.
Heaving a sigh, Rachel twisted the hot water tap off, stepping out of the shower. Steam swirled around her in small room as she swathed herself in a fluffy towel. She paused, catching sight of her reflection in the mirror.
She was oddly disappointed, for a reason she could barely explain. She thought that Rachel Berry, the non-virgin would look… different. Wiser perhaps.
But as she as she could see, there was no difference. No signs that exclaimed what she had just done, no markers to let the world know what she had just forsaken to Jesse St James.
No, in fact, the Rachel Berry that stared back at her, if anything, looked younger. Her eyes were bewildered and just a little bit frightened. What had she just done?
The only reason she knew that Jesse had been there was the dull ache between her legs and the purple angry bruise beginning to rise on her neck, where his lips had once been.
How could it be that everything had changed, and yet, nothing at all?

 window by window, you try and look into,
 this brave new you that you are…

 Slowly, she padded out of the en-suite in to her bedroom, the silence unsettling. She paused in the doorway, her heart fluttering.
There were signs of what they’d just done everywhere. Their clothes were strewn all over the floor, marking the trail where they’d hastily made short work of the layers between them. There was a box of condoms on the nightstand and her usually meticulously neat duvet was crumpled and tossed aside.
And there he was.
Jesse was still there, lying in her bed, a thin pink sheet draped over his hips, clinging to the lean lines of his bare, agile body. Nudity didn’t faze him like it did her: he was a born exhibitionist, that’s why he was such a natural performer.
When she looked at him, her heart did funny things, fluttering, dancing, twisting and she knew that nobody, not even Finn had made it do that before.
There was something about him that she simply couldn’t explain. There was something in the way he smiled at her, the way his hands settled on her waist, the way he pulled her close that made her feel at ease around him. Around him there was no need for pretension and no need for barriers that she reserved for everyone else around her. With him there, she was just herself, something she hadn’t truly been since she started high school.
Gently, Rachel dropped her towel, bending the pick up Jesse’s shirt from where she had discarded it on the floor. She slipped it over her head and it fell to the tips of her thighs. She tugged on it gently, overwhelmed at how much comforting it was. It smelt perfect – like boy, all warm and musky like deodorant and soap. She stepped into a new pair of panties and then perched on the edge of her bed.
Jesse was fast asleep, his curls mussed and falling across his closed eyes in a way that made her heart flutter all over again. She marvelled at how easily he could fall asleep – because to her, her whole world had been turned upside down. But for him…
She knew that she was well and truly not his first, but part of her wondered whether that meant she had just become another in a long line of girl’s, whether this particular encounter would ever mean as much to him as it did to her.
For a fleeting moment, Rachel considered whether she’d made the right choice. They hadn’t even been dating for a month yet – and already she’d signed away her virginity to him.
Jesse shifted in his sleep, a tiny snore erupted from his mouth as he moved and Rachel banished the thoughts from her mind, wishing no longer to be thinking thoughts that would only scare her more, slipping underneath the sheet beside him.
For a long moment she lay entirely rigid, considering his form beside her. He was naked beside her, and the concept of sharing a bed with another person, naked or not, was entirely foreign to her.
She didn’t have too long to consider the logistics of the arrangement, because he rolled over again, one arm snaking around her, pulling her into him.
‘Hey…’ he murmured groggily.
His dark eyes flickered open, heavy lidded and nothing short of heart stopping, his lips curving into a crooked half-smile as he studied her.
‘…hi,’ she whispered back, suddenly short of breath. Everything seemed different when you’d seen the other person so intimately.
‘How are you feeling?’ he rumbled.
‘I’m… I’m fine. A little sore, but I’m fine.’
He nodded sleepily, ‘S’good.’
He draped one arm lazily around her waist, bringing her to curl flush against his body.
They lay in silence for a long while, Rachel with her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeats. And just when she thought he was asleep again…
‘I hope you don’t regret that it was me,’ he breathed, so quietly that she wondered whether she’d imagined it, ‘You’re really special to me Rachel.’
And like that she knew.
She snuggled further into his side, allowing both of their bodies to link and tangle tightly, fitting in to one another. She knew he was the right choice.
No matter what anyone else said, no matter the way their teams conflicted, no matter what was going to happen at Regionals in just a few months, no matter where in the country he went to in September, the choice she had made, the choice for him to be her first, was the right one for her.
She smiled softly, listening to his deepening breaths as he was lulled back to sleep. Definitely the right choice.


 
The next morning she would wake with his warm hands on her shoulders. He would be fully dressed (except for the fact that he didn’t have a t-shirt under his sweater), but a smile would be lingering on his lips.
‘I have to go, my parents might actually begin to miss me soon,’
‘Don’t go…’ she protested weakly.
‘I have to – your dads will be back from Cincinnati in a few hours so you have to get up too. But I’ll be back, later this afternoon, is that okay?’
Rachel nodded mutely, and he smiled again, cupping the back of her head, leaning down to press a tender kiss to her forehead.
He headed to the door, pausing briefly to turn and glance at her, ‘I meant what I said last night Rach,’
She blushed, ducking her head shyly and he blew her a kiss before disappearing down the stairs, the door slamming shut behind him, silence reigning once more.
She sighed softly, falling back against her pillows, snuggling up into the soft material of his t-shirt wrapped around her and shook her head ruefully. 
She couldn’t believe she’d let that happen.
She couldn’t believe she’d let herself fall in love with him.

 

And now, our bodies are the guilty ones…


Et fini! This actually, in all technicality, a two piece story. The accompany piece will be from Jesse's point of view for those who are interested  - it's called "wonder what you're dreaming" so if you enjoyed this keep an eye out for that in the next few days. :D

 
 
Current Mood: crankycranky
Current Music: take you away - angus and julia stone
 
 
 
novalee28 on April 20th, 2010 10:02 am (UTC)
Aww! Okay, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's my first thought on this fic. Glad St Berry is becoming an addition to you, because I really wish you keep writing about them. I love the way you write and how IC they're -I can see Jesse comfortable in all his naked glory and rigid Rachel lying next to him. Keep up the good work!
the night's on fire~: glee: rachelpretty_panther on April 20th, 2010 10:28 am (UTC)
I like this. With so little cannon to go on and things a bit suspious with that, this works really well. :)) I like Rachel here, she seems very realistic in her thoughts and worries:)
Dare You To Movecallistahogan on April 20th, 2010 12:49 pm (UTC)
I really love this. St. Berry is my new favorite ship, and I'm so glad we have lots of fics to read. This is probably one of my favorites. :)
Bez: Glee / elusive high fchuckney on April 20th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
This is really good. :)
ms_bndams_bnda on April 20th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
awww. i really love this.
Sooo good.
and of course loved the lyrics from "The Guilty Ones". that songs just beautiful.
shadesofblackooshady_girloo on April 20th, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC)
the part about Rach studying Jesse and calling him a born exhibitionist and Rach staring at her face, thinking she'd look older, are some things i'd actually think Rach would think.

i'd like to read it from Jesse's POV, i hope i can find you again!
Kat: Here I amkatherine_lupin on April 22nd, 2010 07:36 am (UTC)
loved this, it was beautiful, and real Im sure that Rach would think things like that when 'it' happens